A Crash Course in Bounty Hunting
by The Geeky Saxophonist
Summary: When the outlaw Leslie Killshot shows up in Daimon Town, it's up to Wolfwood and Millie to take him down and turn him in. Too bad neither of them have any experience with bounty hunting.
1. Chapter 1

**CHAPTER 1**

It was a quiet evening in Daimon Town. Daimon was normally a quiet town, but after the arrival of a certain outlaw, the normally peaceful town experienced quite the night.

You see, there was an incident involving an elderly, half-blind man, Vash the Stampede, and Leslie Killshot, the area outlaw. Vash had tried to take down the outlaw to prove that he wasn't a bad guy when the man confused the two combatants for his long-lost sons. How so, no one was sure. But the results were not great: one very destroyed house, one very grouchy old man, and one very angry insurance agent. And to top it off, Leslie Killshot had escaped.

Daimon itself did not have a sheriff because nothing ever, ever, _ever_ happened there. The matter had to be taken up with the neighboring town of Myelin's sheriff instead. Thankfully, that particular sheriff had been helped by Vash in the past when a particularly unruly gang formed in the town, so there surely would be no exchanging of the Sixty Billion Double Dollar Man for the sixty billion double dollars. Thus, Meryl was bringing Vash along to help settle the insurance claims with the sheriff and the old man. It _was_ partly his fault, anyways.

At least tonight would be quiet, right?

…

Nicholas D. Wolfwood valued quiet, but only for so long. Daimon was quiet, yes, but also very boring. The incident between Vash and the outlaw had been the more exciting than every exciting thing the town had ever experienced put together and then some. The priest inwardly wished a brawl or something would break out, just to liven things up.

_Ha, fat chance of that,_ Wolfwood thought. He observed the saloon's patrons: Aside from the lazy old barkeeper, there was a boring businessman, two middle-aged women, and a scruffy man who had fallen fast asleep in his dinner. _Real_ exciting.

Well, not everyone here was unbelievably boring. Besides the priest, there was also Millie Thompson, agent for the Bernadelli Insurance Society. She wondered idly how the insurance proceedings with the sheriff and the old man were going, and if Meryl was managing to not claw Vash's eyes out. More thought was definitely put in to the second subject.

There was a reason why Millie had stayed behind, and it was not to avoid the boring paperwork or her angry co-worker. Meryl had asked her and Wolfwood to stay back just in case Leslie Killshot showed up again. She and the priest would be enough of a match for him if he did show his face, although Millie doubted that they'd see that outlaw anytime soon.

Across the table, Wolfwood sighed loftily. "I have _never_ seen a town this slow before," he commented quietly.

"I haven't either, or at least since Meryl and I were assigned to follow Mr. Vash," Mille replied. "I forgot just how slow things are when Mr. Vash isn't around…"

Wolfwood grinned at that statement. "Someday we'll appreciate towns like this." He leaned back in his chair and stretched. "Someday, but not today." Wolfwood's head was now at such an angle that he could examine the ceiling, if such a thing would be of interest to him. "Wouldn't it be nice if that outlaw walked in right now?" he suggested jokingly.

Both he and Millie laughed, which was pretty much the only sound in the whole saloon.

"Noisy young ruffians," grumbled the bartender.

Suddenly, Millie froze, and the priest looked at her quizzically.

"What is it?" he asked. The insurance agent was looking over his shoulder with a very shocked expression on her face.

"He just walked in."

"Good one, big girl!" Wolfwood chuckled, and turned to confirm that she was kidding.

It _was_, in fact, Leslie Killshot.

Wolfwood clapped a hand over his mouth and gasped, "By the good Lord himself, he did." He turned back around to Millie. "Are you sure that's him?" he whispered.

The insurance girl nodded vigorously. "It's definitely him. Look at that scar!"

Leslie had quite the conspicuous scar. It began above his left eyebrow, crossed the bridge of his nose, split his right cheek, cleaved through his lips, and ended at the tip of his chin. Why he did nothing to disguise it was unclear, especially since this scar was the main indentifying factor noted on the wanted poster. And indeed, the man now seated at the bar had this mark gracing his facial features.

As if to add to the absurdity of the situation, a wanted poster with the Leslie Killshot's face hung on the opposite wall. The resemblance was uncanny. Why on Gunsmoke no one in the saloon noticed that the man straight from the wanted posters was _right under their noses_ was beyond Wolfwood and Millie. Perhaps the town was slower than previously thought.

"What should we do, Mr. Priest?" Millie whispered. Although Meryl had told them to catch the outlaw if he showed, none of them actually had expected him to show up in the first place, and consequently, had no idea how to handle the situation.

Wolfwood smiled roguishly. "Have you ever gone bounty hunting?"

"No…" Millie raised her eyebrow skeptically.

"Well, neither have I," the priest said, still smiling. "But I think now might be a good time to try it out."


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER 2**

Leslie Killshot was a tall, lanky man, clad in a bluish-gray trench coat. His weathered face was divided by a long, terrible scar he had earned during a fight with a bandit. Leslie was known for the deadly accuracy he shot with using his bolt-action rifle, hence the name "Killshot." Nowadays, a bounty of $$400,000 was placed upon his head—a pretty hefty amount, but nowhere near the $$60,000,000,000 on Vash the Stampede.

Like many outlaws on Gunsmoke, Leslie strived to be the best there was. Needless to say, he was jealous of Vash the Stampede's infamousness. _He_ wanted to be the name that struck fear in to the entire populace of the planet. And not unlike anyone who had met Vash, he had learned that the Humanoid Typhoon was more like the Humanoid Buffoon and did not deserve to be considered Gunsmoke's terror.

Following the crazy night fighting Vash, Leslie had stopped in the town of Daimon. He'd heard that the people there were so dim that they wouldn't notice an outlaw if he stood right next to his wanted poster. The rumors were right, and now Leslie sat at the bar in the local saloon, downing a glass of liquor. Not one person had even given him a second glance. They hadn't even noticed his massive scar.

As the barkeeper slowly and deliberately handed him his second drink, Leslie glanced around the saloon. His wanted poster hung to his left. A man had just woken up and realized he'd used his pasta as a pillow. Two older women were discussing knitting techniques. The young couple that had been quietly talking about county funding or something equally unimportant were slowly making their way out.

_ How dull,_ Leslie thought. At least the liquor was good.

…

"I cannot _believe_ Leslie Killshot just walked in," Wolfwood exclaimed as soon as he and Millie were outside and in good view of the saloon, although not very well hidden. "Now, how exactly are we going to catch him?"

"Well, the bounty hunters I've seen after Mr. Vash just shot at everything in sight until they hit him," Millie recalled.

Wolfwood winced. "That's not the best approach." He peeked back at the saloon to make sure Leslie Killshot wasn't slipping away unnoticed by the two of them. "We don't want to damage Daimon too much, or your friend will be _pretty_ mad."

"Yeah…" Neither one of them wanted to face an angry Meryl.

"What else did those bounty hunters do?" Wolfwood asked. He himself had not had much experience with bounty hunters and their methods. Millie knew the most out of the two of them on the subject, and what they knew combined did not amount to much. Vash's extensive knowledge from eluding them would have been _very_ useful right now.

"Uh…" Pressed for time, Millie couldn't really recall seeing anything besides the shooting-at-everything method. "There was that one time where that team of bounty hunters had actually caught Mr. Vash. I'm not quite sure how, but that was the time we met Mr. Vash so we didn't know it was him, we thought it was the very tall man with a boomerang that was Vash the Stampede since the man at the bar said he was twelve feet tall and had a mohawk. But then _he_ thought this other bounty hunter was Mr. Vash. Meanwhile, the real Mr. Vash had escaped, and then me and Meryl were captured and Mr. Vash showed up again and the big man threw the boomerang at him and—"

Wolfwood absorbed this with his mouth agape.

"So… we confuse the hell out of him?"

Millie blinked hard. "Sorry. I don't even know where I was going with that," she apologized, then laughed nervously. "I'm a little flustered."

_A little doesn't cover it,_ Wolfwood thought. He didn't blame her, though, he was feeling pretty flustered himself. How else were a priest and insurance agent supposed to react when encountering the outlaw Leslie Killshot in a boring old town, anyhow?

"Maybe we should just follow him around and get him when he least expects it," Millie suggested.

Wolfwood nodded. "That's probably our best bet." _But how exactly are we going to catch him? _the priest wondered frantically. _Trip him?_

_Guns!_ Wolfwood realized with a start, slapping a palm to his forehead. What kind of bounty hunter didn't use a gun on Gunsmoke? He then realized Millie was looking at him strangely—she hadn't heard his mental revelation so his sudden reaction must have startled her.

"You have your gun with you, right?" Wolfwood asked.

The insurance agent's massive stun gun appeared from under her duster. "Yup."

"Good." Wolfwood had one of his Grader 2043 pistols stashed under his suit jacket. He now wished he had the Punisher with him as well. He'd left his cross-shaped weapon in the hotel, thinking he and Millie were in for a nice, outlaw-less evening together. There was no time to go in retrieve it now with Leslie nearly within their grasp! Not to mention, a man carrying around a giant cross would definitely stand out in Daimon. The outlaw would notice such an oddity for sure.

But at least they were armed, and stood some chance to detaining Leslie Killshot. However, it was now indeed clear that this was to be no normal evening.


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Notes!**

Hello everyone! I am so sorry for not updating since June! I feel so awful, but I had a ton of circumstances get in the way, including writer's block, school, health, and family. But now, I hope I can update more frequently as my inspiration has returned! I apologize once again and I hope you enjoy this chapter, even though it's a bit short!

**CHAPTER 3**

Leslie Killshot was paying the lazy old bartender for the drinks. He'd given him a twenty double dollar bill and it was taking the bartender _forever_ to make change.

"One double dollar… two double dollars… three double dollars…"

The bills were oh-so-slowly stacked in the palm of Leslie's hand. He gritted his teeth.

"Five double dollars—no, that's not right," the bartender muttered, brow knit in concentration. He took back the bills from Leslie and started over. "Let's try this again. One double dollar… hm, maybe I should start with the c-cents…"

"Keep the change," Leslie snarled, losing patience. He stomped out of the saloon in a huff.

"Have a good night, sir," the bartender cheerfully called after him.

Attacking Daimon would be a waste of time, Leslie decided. The people were so stupid that they wouldn't even notice if he pulled out his rifle in broad daylight!

With his hands shoved in the deep trench coat pockets, Leslie sulkily stalked down the street while grumbling, "Damn…. Out of _all_ the places I could have ended up in… Why did it have to be _here_?"

..

Wolfwood and Millie had seen their target leaving the saloon, thus ending their harried planning session. Leslie hadn't seen them waiting outside. The darkness of nighttime definitely aided in hiding the two beginner bounty hunters from the outlaw's sights.

The priest and the insurance agent watched the trench coat-wearing outlaw walking off. They then stared awkwardly at each other, not quite sure where to start.

"Uh… Should we start following him?" Millie asked tentatively.

Wolfwood ran a hand through his hair. "I guess…"

"Then why are we just standing here?"

Now _that_ was a good question! "Well, I don't know." Wolfwood admitted.

Millie took him by the arm. "Then let's go!" she decided.

The priest was still mentally finalizing their tentative plans, which was the main reason why they hadn't yet gone after Leslie. The lesser reason was that he, of all people, was a bit rattled by the situation.

_Why the hell am I scared? It's just a low-profile outlaw. I've been up against worse,_ thought Wolfwood. Was it because of the insurance girl? Was he worried about her? About what would happen if Leslie hurt her? Suddenly terrified, Wolfwood glanced over at her.

"Gee, I wonder what kind of evil places he'll go!" Millie whispered excitedly, when she noticed him looking at her.

_She doesn't seem scared_, the priest reflected. The big girl could definitely hold her own, Wolfwood knew from experience. _But why am I so scared for her?_

Wolfwood sighed. He gently freed his arm from Millie's grasp and offered her the crook of his arm instead. The insurance girl gladly accepted it. Wolfwood allowed himself a small smile. They'd be safe together.

Leslie, on the other hand? Not so much. Not up against those two…

…at least Wolfwood hoped so.


	4. Chapter 4

**CHAPTER 4**

Leslie was about to go back to his hotel room to end his extremely boring night in Daimon Town when he suddenly saw a half-burnt out neon sign that read "ARCADE." Leslie's eyes instantly lit up. If there was one thing he loved (besides shooting people), it was spending time playing the games in the rare few arcades on Gunsmoke.

Excitedly, Leslie entered the arcade. A droopy-eyed man with an equally droopy mustache who sat at the change counter barely glanced up from his magazine as the outlaw walked by. Besides him, an acne-ridden teenager was bent over some space alien inter-galactic battle game, completely absorbed. But Leslie didn't notice the other patrons. His eyes were locked on the console right in front of him.

It was a Pac-Man arcade cabinet—why, that was his favorite game!

Leslie couldn't believe his luck. He deposited several c-cents into the slot and grinned like a little kid as the familiar little tune began to play. The outlaw excitedly began playing the game.

..

Millie and Wolfwood watched Leslie Killshot enter the arcade with expressions of confusion.

"Why'd he go in there?" Millie wondered, rather confused.

"We'd better follow h—wait a minute, _Daimon _has an arcade?" Wolfwood realized, shocked. He shook his head. "This town is so strange…"

Deciding to stop questioning the absurdities of the town, the priest and insurance agent entered the arcade. Neither of them had been in more than one arcade in the past, seeing as arcade games were considered a "lost technology" on Gunsmoke and not too many were there. How Daimon had ended up with what few arcade cabinets there were, no one was sure. But they were in rather nice shape.

No one looked up at the two new arrivals as they entered. The mustachioed man at the change counter was dozing while two people were thoroughly absorbed in their games. One was a messy-looking teenager who was muttering "I must destroy the alien mothership" and the other was Leslie! Thankfully, the outlaw was too busy guiding Pac-Man through the maze of dots and avoiding the quartet of ghosts to notice Wolfwood and Millie.

Wolfwood leaned over to relay his next plan of action to Millie, but she had already drifted off to play one of the games.

"What are you doing!" Wolfwood asked.

The insurance agent was already putting change into the machine. "We can't just stand there and stare at him. He'll be suspicious. If we play the games, we'll blend in!" she explained. "And I've _always_ wanted to play Mario Bros.! My big big brother played it this one time and he couldn't stop talking about it for a whole week! Here, you can be Luigi."

"Aw, Luigi?" the priest sighed. "Okay…" He tried to keep an eye on Leslie while playing the game, but eventually was pulled away from the task at hand. Suddenly, Wolfwood's priority was to save the absurdly spacious sewer from the evil spiky turtle things.

Several rounds of Mario Bros. passed before they were brought back to reality.

"YES! NEW HIGH SCORE!" bellowed the pimply teenager. "FREDWARD DIRKISON IS THE ULTIMATE INTER-GALACTIC WARRIOR!"

The sudden outburst caused Mario and Luigi to simultaneously die at the hands of bouncing fireballs.

"Oh no!" despaired Millie at the demise of Mario and his green-clad brother.

"Oh crap!" Wolfwood exclaimed. But not because of the Mario Brothers' untimely death, but because Leslie Killshot was gone!


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Notes!** Hello everyone! Sorry once again for the sporadic updating! Thanks to TwilightStar7 for some of the ideas in this chapter! I hope you enjoy the story!

**CHAPTER 5**

Millie had noticed Leslie's disappearance as well. "Oh no!" she despaired again. "I'm sorry, it's my fault."

"Ah, don't be. Blame the Mario Bros., okay? I was just as distracted as you," Wolfwood insisted. He had always wanted to play Mario Bros., anyways. Had it been just him, he too would've been playing the game. As a child, he remembered his mentor, Chapel, would once in a while talk about arcade games. Wolfwood wasn't sure why he'd bring them up, but he'd sometimes digress into strange little tales about this old arcade he's used to live by. But then again, Wolfwood always thought Chapel was a weird in the first place. He'd never understood why an assassin would love stupid little games—well, he did now, that's for sure.

Video games _were_ pretty addicting. Perhaps it was a good thing so few of them existed on this planet. But then, wouldn't there be fewer bounty hunters? And fewer outlaws, too? The priest decided to stop thinking about something so trivial and focus on catching Leslie.

"I do think we need a different approach, though…"

…

Leslie Killshot had lost his way. He was unfamiliar with Daimon and it was too dark for him to get his bearings. Not to mention, the bright lights from the Pac-Man game had temporarily ruined his night vision.

_Where the hell is the Linnaeus Hotel?_ Leslie thought, frustrated. He'd have thought a boring town would have a boring, predictable layout, yet Daimon was full of oddities.

The outlaw glanced up and blinked in surprise. Somehow, he'd gone in a loop and ended up right in front of the arcade! A diverse string of expletives flooded out of his mouth. No matte how much he liked playing Pac-Man, he very much wanted to go to bed right now.

Reluctantly, Leslie came to the conclusion that he had to ask for directions. He looked about the deserted streets for a passerby. Just as the outlaw was about to give up hope, two figures exited the arcade. _Thank goodness!_ Leslie exclaimed in his head and approached them. It was a young couple. From what little light, he could see that the woman was pretty tall and the man was almost invisible, due to his dark clothes and hair.

"Excuse me, but do you know where the Linnaeus Hotel is?" Leslie Killshot asked as un-outlaw-like as he could. He even mustered an embarrassed smile. "I seem to have lost my way."

The woman stared at him in shock for a second, and then turned the shocked stare to the man, who wore a matching shocked stare. But the bizarre reaction ended quicker than it began and Leslie decided his eyes were playing tricks on him.

"It's just down the street, that way," the man said, gesturing westward. "Then, take a right next to the grocery store, and it's across the way."

"Thank you," Leslie said, and set off in the directions specified. The couple had seemed somewhat familiar, but where had he seen them? Ah, whatever. He'd remember later after he made it back to the hotel.

…

Wolfwood and Millie were stunned that Leslie Killshot had just asked them for directions, and that he too was staying at the Linnaeus Hotel—the exact hotel where they, along with Meryl and Vash, were staying. Talk about a coincidence!

"Uh, Mr. Wolfwood… Didn't you just give him directions to an alleyway?" Millie asked.

"Exactly!" the priest grinned. He took off running with Millie not far behind. "We have to get there before he realizes he's in an alleyway and leaves!"

"Ah! It's a trap!"

"Right, big girl! This could be our chance to catch him!" Wolfwood said eagerly.

"I get it! Right when he's not expecting it!" But then another thought occurred to her. "Wait… won't he realize something's up when he ends up in the alley instead of the hotel?"

_Damn! Why didn't I think of that?_ Wolfwood realized. That was very likely. Leslie seemed pretty sharp. "We'll cross that bridge when we get there," he said.

Ah, but what _were_ they going to do when they had Leslie cornered? Wolfwood cursed to himself. He really hadn't had enough time to think the whole thing through. He couldn't bring himself to kill a man in front of Millie, yet he didn't want the outlaw shooting her. Or him, for that matter. There just wasn't enough damn time to plan!

Before Wolfwood knew it, they were standing at the entrance of the alleyway. Leslie was turning around with a confused expression that quickly changed to anger when he sighted his pursuers. He reached for his gun.

"Oh _shi—"_ Wolfwood began to exclaim, still fumbling with his own pistol. Was Leslie going to kill them right then and there, without mercy?

_Pow!_ A giant x-shaped projectile slammed into Leslie's arm, causing him to shout a rather naughty word and drop his rifle. Wolfwood stared in awe. Where had that come from?

Millie lowered her stun gun. "Uh, whoops?" she giggled nervously when the outlaw's face scrunched up into the most furious expression she'd ever seen.

"You'll never give wrong directions again," Leslie growled ominously with a frightening glint in his eye.

Wolfwood uttered a quick prayer.

"Lord, please don't let the big girl or me get killed by this weirdo."

The priest hoped the good Lord heard his plea and aimed his pistol at the outlaw.


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Notes!** Hello everyone! I apologize once again for the long break between updates. I really need to learn to finish one story before starting another! Anyways, thanks for the favorites and reviews, I really appreciate them! I hope you enjoy this chapter!

**CHAPTER 6**

Leslie Killshot was mad. Oh, so very mad. Those two had led them into a trap! There was only one reason: they knew about the bounty. They clearly were not from Daimon Town—they actually had an idea of what was going on. And Leslie had to admit, leading him into a trap was pretty clever. Too clever for someone from Daimon.

While his left arm tingled from the shot, Leslie pulled out his bolt-action rifle he'd been hiding beneath his trench coat.

"Dammit! I'll kill you!" Leslie exploded. You'd think an outlaw would be upset since people were trying to kill them, but the real reason behind Leslie's furious outburst was that he was rather tired and wanted to go to bed. He needed his beauty sleep.

He snatched up his rifle and pointed it at the wrong-direction-givers.

..

Wolfwood stared in disbelief at his pistol, which for some reason, refused to fire. "Oh _shi—"_ he began to exclaim a second time, this time cutting himself off with "wait a minute, I should be running!"

Apparently, Millie had already realized that since she was already halfway down the street. Wolfwood shot off after her like a bullet, no pun intended as he heard the loud crack of a gunshot behind him. He was pretty sure Leslie was not too far behind. He peeked over his shoulder and indeed, the outlaw was tearing after them. He was spouting something incomprehensible. Wolfwood could've sworn he heard "Godammit, I just want to go to bed" come out of Leslie's mouth.

"Hey, thou shalt not take the Lord's name in vain!" the priest shouted over his shoulder to Leslie. All of a sudden, he was pulled off his feet and on to the ground. Hard.

"Godda—I mean _darn_ it! What was that for?" Wolfwood sputtered around a not-so-pleasant mouthful of grit he'd received from the resulting face plant. Man, that girl was _strong_.

"Shhh!" Millie hissed, clamping her hand over Wolfwood's mouth.

Before Wolfwood could protest further, Leslie ran straight past them, then took off down a different corner.

Millie grinned and let the priest go, and gently patted his head. "See? Now we can chase him instead of the other way around!" In a swift movement, she managed to pull Wolfwood back to his feet with the same strength that had driven him to the ground in the first place. "He won't be suspecting this!" the insurance agent exclaimed joyfully, tearing off after Leslie with stun-gun in hand and Wolfwood in tow.

Leslie, however, had caught on and had turned back. In fact, Millie collided head-on with Leslie, and Wolfwood plowed them both over.

From the bottom of the pile of outlaw, insurance agent, and priest, Leslie scowled. Wolfwood leapt to his feet and pulled Millie to hers as well in a swift movement.

"Oh _shi_—" Wolfwood exclaimed for the third time as Leslie rose from the ground.

"Never mind, I think he was expecting this," Mille decided.

"Uh, yeah, I think so too!" the priest agreed, taking the insurance agent's hand. "Come on, we've gotta run!" They sprinted off, leaving the outlaw in the dust.

..

Sometimes, Leslie hated his gun. Sure, he had a deadly accurate aim, hence the name "Killshot", but he could only achieve this accuracy with a bolt-action rifle. This could be a disadvantage at times like these. It took too damn long to reload and with the way the mechanism worked, he had to reacquire his target after every shot. If only he hadn't missed that black-clad man with his first shot (a very rare occurrence—he decided that sleep deprivation and frustration had caused him to miss), he could've hit those two as they ran away.

"Damn, where could they have gone?" Leslie snarled to himself as he stalked down the street. This time, he'd shoot them and this time, he _wouldn't_ miss. But who would he shoot first? The man, who had given him the wrong directions, or the girl, who had shot at him with the stun-gun? Leslie's left arm tingled painfully where the x-shaped projectile had hit him, and he made up his mind with a crooked grin.

_The girl's going to get it first,_ the outlaw decided. _The man can watch her die before he himself does! _And with that thought, Leslie cackled evilly.

Now, all he had to do was find them…


End file.
